A famously expressed idea has been occupying space in my mind these days:
There’s more that unites us than divides us
It has been used on multiple occasions – most recently by Kamala Harris during her election campaign – but how it is interpreted, I believe, will depend on the intention of the speaker. While Harris used it to unite a nation, as it haunts my thoughts, I cannot help but feel that it extends beyond the confines of a nation to touch all of humanity.
Writing this from a small café in Shanghai, I spend my days juggling the Chinese pronunciation of cài (vegetables) and ròu (meat) while trying to order the right noodle soup. Some Westerners I have met on my journey across the country have expressed feelings of alienation from Chinese culture and perceived unfriendliness from locals. Yet, I often notice these same individuals not recognising the wait staff as they attempt to help them with their order. I have observed the same tendency in Europe; in Vienna, in Paris, visitors complain of being met with coldness, but often give me the impression that limited effort has been made to attempt to acclimatise to a different culture, to learn the words for “hello” and “please” or to approach each new person with friendliness, kindness and patience.
I have made the impractical – and for many, likely unrealistic – choice of primarily visiting cities where I either speak the language or where one of my friends live, who can help me understand the city they call home. This means that my experience of travelling is quite different from most; while limiting myself, I have given myself a “boost” in cultural understanding.
The reason I say this is not to toot my own horn or to toot the horn of learning foreign languages – though I am, of course, a strong proponent of using language as a bridge to understanding – but because I believe we have a tendency to see a level of foreignness which is not present. Sometimes the barrier is not the difference in culture and social expectations, but rather our approach to the different expressions of a human civilisation. In my experience, learning languages opens your heart to the people whose tongue you are acquiring. But, while helpful to speak the tongue of the people you are approaching, I believe much of the communication between humans is determined not in the spoken by our energy and our body.
There’s more that unites us than divides us – if it only mattered in terms of smiling at your waiter as you order your noodles, perhaps the impact on the world would be limited. But I fear this failure to recognise the human in the person across you in the noodle shop easily translates into the lack of recognising the human on the other side of the table, screen or globe. Be it based on differences the political, cultural, religious, neurodivergence or another value spectrum, it is easy to feel further apart than we truly are.
It is easy to forget that, had your life turned out a little bit different, you might have turned out the same as the other which you currently do not recognise as like you. I think the majority of people would not feel foreign from the international adoptee sitting across from them, once they realise that they have the same native tongue, their schools were in the same district, and their mothers brunch together on Sundays – if not this, what else would evidence so strongly that what separates us is a difference in humanity based on national and racial origin, but rather, the circumstances of our upbringing?
It is said that the first thought in your head is based on the values in your upbringing and background, your automatic tendencies, and the second thought is your own voice and believes. The second thought you can impact and choose, the second thought is commanded by your wills and what you believe to be good and right. I urge the reader to approach the world and others from a place of kindness and love. Contrary to some popular beliefs, love is an action verb, rather than a noun. Love is a choice to be kind and understand the other.
The next time you go into café or restaurant when travelling, try to pace down – take a second to look your waiter in the eye, smile, and inquire to the best of your ability. See if you can be curious rather than annoyed next time they bring you a meal that is different from your usual taste pallet, and find the love in your heart for the diversity of people, recognise the beauty of how many different ways our humankind can show up as, all the incredible thing we have managed to do across the world.
If you do this enough, I think you will see the world change around you and the world will respond better to it. I dream that the kindness you send out into the world comes back more as kindness than fear, and that the kindness can transform you and the world into a better more understanding place. I mean, would you not want someone to extend you the same kindness, if they came to your place of belonging?
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